Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Are we still banned from the library?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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