How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Your cock deserves a montage
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
