i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
