she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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