Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Less talking, more tequila
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
