My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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