Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
