guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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