Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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