im drinking this country out of the recession.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
