its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
