he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
