I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
