I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
