She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
