it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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