Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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