I could make wine with my vomit
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize