i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
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