I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
