just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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