this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
do herpes really smell.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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