1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
