I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
