Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
