having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
