i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
