Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
