I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
