In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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