Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
