just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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