I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
