just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
