love makes seman taste better
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
