We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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