She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
