1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
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i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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