is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
