oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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