I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
