Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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