Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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