Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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