Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
