Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
