apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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