I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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