I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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