ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize