he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
