Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
