I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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