you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
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she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize