The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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