Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
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I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize