I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
