yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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