well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i out mim tonsoeep
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
