did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
