i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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