the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
