good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
