as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
