I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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