dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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